Why I’m voting Green in May

I have absolutely no intention of voting Labour or Conservative in May. I have no interest in the old boys’ club currently in charge. I have heard it said that there is no point in voting Green, that they will never get in and that my vote could have been used to vote Labour and oust the Conservatives.

I think not. I’ll come on to the reasons why I have nothing but contempt for the Conservatives in a second, but firstly I’d like to vent about Labour. Labour, I’m disappointed. Deeply, deeply disappointed, and betrayed – as a member of the 99% whose interests should be not just top of your list but the ENTIRE LIST, you have let me down. I learned about the Labour party at school, the original Labour party who actually stood for Labour. They brought in the NHS, National Insurance. They actually cared about the Welfare of the state. They brought in the Welfare State when Britain was recovering from the war. Now Labour seems to me to be little more than a slightly-less-Tory Tory Party. I have heard nothing substantial, nothing that makes me feel that yes, these people might actually improve things for me. I’ll be honest, Ed, I don’t want tough immigration laws or higher school standards – I am becoming increasingly nauseated at the emphasis on monitoring standards through test, and working from one set of SATs to another. I dread seeing my currently 7 year old son bow under the weight of tests before he has even left primary school. I want to know that you will do something about the massive inequality in the country.

Which brings me nicely onto the Conservatives. It really doesn’t matter how many times and in how many different ways Cameron says that other people will “take Britain backwards”, the fact is that we are rapidly returning to Victorian ages where the working class don’t get a living wage, we increasingly have to pay for healthcare (£8.05 for essential medication? Really?), the poor are an ‘undeserving poor’ who would be fine if they would just get up and do something, while the rich pay £15000 for a table at a ball. The elite who believe that the rules don’t apply to them (Rifkind, anyone?) sit back and watch, without having to lift a finger, as we tear each other apart looking for ‘benefit scroungers’ and illegal immigrants and possible paedophiles and anyone else who is frankly a far more nebulous threat than the Conservatives. The ‘desperately needed austerity’ is no longer even their problem – when was the last time you heard Cameron even attempt to suggest that we’re all ‘in this together’? To be fair, no-one could pull that off with a straight face.

Actually, I don’t think I’ll bother to talk about them for much longer. Not really worth my attention – who could expect anything but what we got from this party?  We voted for them – now we need to vote them out.

And on to the Greens.

The last twice I voted Green, although it was with a sense of frustration and futility. I just wanted to have an answer for people who said ‘we voted them in’, much as I just did i fact. Not me, mate. But they were never going to get in, were they? Now, I’m voting for them with a bit of hope and excitement. I’m thinking that perhaps we’ve finally been pushed too far. The Green Surge is a sign that people are less worried that their vote might be lost, more that they desperately have to vote for something different, something that actually might mean a redistribution of the cherries from those magpies at the top of the tree. I mean seriously, what is so outlandish about the idea that we might look after one another?

The way I see it, we were all born and thus required the services of midwives and doctors. We were children, and needed a decent education and caring, enthusiastic teachers who weren’t forced to care more about results than children. We were adults, who needed (by some means, according to need) the means to live. We will grow old, and unable to work, and require still the means to care for ourselves. We will die one day, and we will need the help of caring nurses more than ever. These are truths that are universal – why should these things come more easily to an elite few, and why should we not support each other? The Green Party are our best hope since the Welfare State of achieving this.

And I really don’t care if Natalie Bennett froze in an interview. I’d be more put-off if she had answers as easily and glibly as Cameron, Milliband or Clegg. I want her to recognise that these are problems that need to be addressed and that there is no easy answer and that inequality and suffering cannot be swept under the carpet at a press conference.

I will be voting Green.

Exercise and Depression

It’s the most obvious thing you get told when you have depression: try exercise, it will make you feel better. While it’s true it’s also one of the most difficult and hopeless things to even think of.

When you have depression getting out of bed feels like a marathon. On the worse days getting through the day is like wading through quicksand. So getting out of the house to the gym or for a walk seems like the advice-giver is having a particularly cruel joke at your expense.

I have struggled with depression for a few years now. I’ve also seen it from the side of a carer so I also know how painfully frustrating it can be to suggest even mild exercise, desperate to help but knowing that it will most likely feel very unhelpful to the listener. I also have a fairly rubbish history of exercise – I hated PE and our teacher’s comments which were repeatedly cruel and hurtful, and combined with the natural grace and coordination of a cabbage, that has left me with a lifelong hatred of anything that resembles physical activity. You can guess the result – I am chronically unfit,  overweight and suffer from lower body pains most of every day.

And I’m supposed to exercise to beat depression?  Uh-huh.

Except the only thing I can say is, actually,  yes.

I was referred to my local gp fitness scheme. I’ve been to the gym 3 times (yes! count ’em!) and there has been an impact already. I couldn’t have done my Memory Walk on Sunday before this. I have done gardening. I have even been able to say that I don’t feel depressed – I don’t remember the last time I could say that.

So, honestly, all I can say to anyone feeling depressed (and ready to throw the nearest heavy object at the next person to use the ‘E’ word) is: don’t give up.

If you want something more specific,  I’ll try. One of the least helpful things in depression is general,  vaguely-positive bits of advice. When you’re depressed you don’t want to know what you should do. I KNOW I should exercise,  I hear it all the **/@^*^/$* time. What I need to know is HOW.

1. Try,  in the good spells (you will have them, promise) to be open to suggestions of different kinds of activity. Activity isn’t necessarily going to the gym, it is anything that lifts your heart rate and gets you moving even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, all of the following count:
Gardening
Wiggling your bum to spotify or radio or anything with a beat
Wii games – yes dance or wii fit but anything will do to start
An extra trip up the stairs
Any length walk if it’s longer than you might usually do – I mean just 5 minutes longer
Obviously, swimming, dance classes, tennis or any other vaguely sporty thing

2. If you ask me, the important thing is to do something that’s a tiny increase on your current level and congratulate yourself for it. You get the self-esteem boost and you get a little taste of the endorphins that everyone bangs on about. You might not do another thing for the next 3 months but that one little step will make it that bit easier next time, and the time after, and the time after that.

3. Be kind to yourself when you really, really can’t do it. I know you feel worthless but a) you will not always feel like that and b) when you do, it’s really not helpful to have another thing you can beat yourself up for. Activity is an amazing thing when you can do it but it’s not a crime when you can’t and any other attitude will beat you down every time you even think about being able to try something. “Oh what’s the point,  I never stick to anything, I’m too unfit,  some days I can’t even get off the couch so how do I expect to do exercise?” Yes, I know sweetie. Have a hug, have a lazy day (or two), then when you feel better (can’t say it enough, you WILL) have a go at something that takes your fancy. No pressure.

4. Make sure you rule out physical factors that get in the way. Yes I’m unfit and depressed but the levels of tired I felt a couple of months back were off the scale. Sometimes you know deep down the difference between the sludge of depression and just plain old bone-aching exhaustion. If so get it checked out. My thyroid levels needed checking as it turned out; you could also need to check iron levels, underlying infection, inflammation, diabetes. If there is something it is usually easily treated,  so why leave yourself with an unnecessary extra burden?

5. While you’re at the doctor’s, ask about talking therapies. CBT can help you tackle thoughts and feelings that are basically ruining your life and help you solve problems like how to build gentle activity into your routine. And tackling unhelpful thoughts about one thing can lift your mood a fraction, enough to make other things seem possible that just weren’t before.

6. Be patient. It might take years, medication, courses of therapy and a kick up the bum to get you into the place you need to be to make exercise an option.

For me it was chronic pain and health risks, and I might easily fall back into depression tomorrow for all I know. But hopefully, if and when that happens, I can build on what I feel are very real victories here and it will be that tiny bit quicker and less painful to help myself again.

Memory Walk

A few weeks ago on a whim I signed up for the Memory Walk at Chester-le-Street in aid of the Alzheimer’s Society. It is a fantastic cause and my grandma has dementia so it’s a personal cause too.

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My grandma with me and the kids

Now, it’s only 3 miles but it is worth bearing a few things in mind. First, I’m coming from a basic activity level of 0 and the fitness levels you might expect as a result. Second, I suffer from pains in my legs and lower joints so it’s going to be a bit of a push. Below I’ve written up the walk as it happened, only really cleaned up mobile-thumb-typing errors.

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Gathering at the start

10.35 Arrive at Chester Park. Loads of people already here mostly in small groups. Quite a few elderly in wheelchairs.
Go to the gazebo with AS on to see if I need to register or sign in but no, it’s all done online. I’m given a tag, though, to write about why I’m walking to hang on a memory tree during the walk.

10.50 A guy is leading warmups. You need to either have the honed body of an athlete or be in a group to pull this off and I’m on my tod so I watch, kind of wishing I was in one of those categories. Ideally both.

11am Someone from Beamish is leading a Geordie folk singalong with Blaydon Races, Cushy Butterfield and Keel Row. Great atmosphere! Local MP Kevan Jones cuts a banner and we leave.  The family in front of me are wearing the official t-shirts but have printed on a photo of the old lady they’re walking for. It’s a lovely, poignant touch.

11.20 Arrive at memory tree. A couple of people taking a moment. Most people taking photos. I’m fairly near the start so there’s not really many on yet.

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My tag on memory tree

Doubling back we can see the end of the walk. We’re pretty much back at the start now, I think that’s the 1 mile walk finished maybe.

Yes, a steward is directing us right to finish the 1 mile, and left to continue the 3 miles,  so that’s half an hour and a third of the distance gone.

11.35 Passed the amateur rowing club. I had no idea there was such a thing here. There’s a group all ready to go out on the water.

A volunteer is sitting on a bench with an old man, probably in his 80’s or early 90’s. He can’t walk any further, but rather than give up and get help back to the tent he’s waiting and will rejoin the walk on the way back.
It is surprisingly hard to type on the move! Plus I want to enjoy the experience. My ankles are giving me some pain but the rest of me is fine. It’s quite warm but there’s a lovely, very welcome, breeze.

12pm Left the wilderness of the riverside path behind and cut through a housing estate.  We are much more spread out now; only a group of 3 in front of me and none directly behind. Think I gave them a shock in the last wooded bit as the text alert on my phone sent the hunger games whistle out…

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12.10 Keeping a nice steady rhythm going. It doesn’t matter that I’m alone or that my ankles are hurting or that I’m really hot. I feel calm and happy.

We are doing a circle, not going back the same way. I hope someone’s told the old man who was having a rest…

12.15 Arrived at finish line!  I’m one of the early group back and met by smiling husband and kids.  Got a medal and a perfectly timed bottle of water!

I would totally do this again. Get my fitness levels up and go for a more ambitious one too perhaps! I didn’t raise that much but it was so worthwhile; I enjoyed it, and I put myself out for something. I’m proud of myself.
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